Parenting Teens

When it comes to raising children, today's parents and caregivers often feel confused and uncertain. Learn tips to keep your children safe, happy, and healthy.

Programs:

Family Focus: Positive Parenting of Pre- and Early Teens - This program is offered to parents with children from 11 to 15 years-of-age. Family & Consumer Resources educators or Family Focus parent educators deliver the program in communities. Parents and guardians learn about adolescent development; the challenges, pressures, and risks facing teens today; and skills to assist their teens in setting values and goals, making decisions, resolving conflicts, avoiding the use of illegal drugs, and acting sexually responsible. Call your county UNH Cooperative Extension office for more information.

Frequently Asked Questions:

1. I hear so much these days about teens getting involved with drugs and alcohol. My son is 12 years old. I don't think he's drinking, but how would I know if he is or isn't? What if I ask him and he says "no", but he really is drinking with his friends. He may be afraid to tell me because he doesn't want to get in trouble.
   
   ANS: Many young people experiment with alcohol and illegal drugs. It's important not to overreact and think your child is an alcoholic or a drug addict. Yet, also, it's important to be aware of the signs of alcohol use. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, these include:
   
   
   1. mood changes - flare ups of temper, irritability, and defensiveness
   2. problems in school - truancy, low grades, discipline problems
   3. rebelling against family rules
   4. new friends who the child doesn't want you to meet
   5. not caring about anything - a sloppy appearance, a lack of involvement in former activities, low energy
   6. finding drugs or alcohol in your child's room or in his/her possession, or smelling alcohol on your child's breathe
   7. physical or mental problems - lapse of memory, poor concentration , bloodshot eyes, lack of concentration, slurred speech.
      
      
   Some of these behaviors may be a part of normal development. Experts find that a drinking problem may exist if several of the behaviors are present at the same time, if they happen suddenly, or if some of them are extreme in nature.
   
   
2. So many kids are drinking in my child's school. My partner and I are really worried that my daughter will start to drink. What can we do?
   
   ANS: There are many things parents can do. Here are some important suggestions:



1. Guide and Limit - Alcohol abuse prevention begins at home. Parents need to actively guide their children and set clear and reasonable limits. To do this parents must communicate clear expectations about not using alcohol and drugs, openly and calmly discuss the topic of alcohol and drug use before problems arise, and support and encourage their children in health promoting behaviors such as eating nutritious foods, exercising, and driving safely.
   
   
2. Set a Good Example - Parents can serve as positive role models by dealing with their own day-to-day problems without the use of alcohol or drugs, and by using alcohol moderately, responsibly, and at appropriate times, if at all. It's important to show children that it isn't necessary to use alcohol or drugs to have a good time, form relationships, relax, or cope with stress.
   
   
3. Be Informed - Only with accurate information about alcohol and other drugs can parents be helpful. Parents should know the facts about the use of alcohol and drugs, the risks of abusing drugs and alcohol, and their effects on the body and on driving.
   
   
4. Create Strong Family Bonds - Strong family bonds can help protect against alcohol and drug problems in young people. Having fun together by playing sports, watching movies, playing board games, and taking walks, coupled with communicating openly, showing warmth and affection, and involving children in the setting of family rules and the consequences of not obeying these rules, can lead to strong family bonds.
   
   
5. Encourage Competencies and Interests - Encourage your children to explore their interests - hobbies, school events, sports, community volunteer work - which may prevent the experimentation of alcohol and drugs due to boredom.
   
   
6. Help Your Teen Deal with Peer Pressure - Brainstorm with children techniques they can use to avoid peer pressure. Help them practice these techniques.
   
   
7. Make a Contract - Many families have found it helpful to meet together and write up a parent-teen contract, which contains statements such as "I will not use alcohol until I'm 21," "I will call for a ride home, if the driver I came with has been drinking."
   

Publications:

• Children and Physical Activity: Have Fun and Be Fit
• Living With Your Teen: Alcohol and Drug Use
• Living With Your Teen: Teen Depression and Suicide
• Living With Your Teen: Teen Sexuality
• Living With Your Teen: Adolescents and Sleep
• Living with Your Teen: Understanding Physical Changes
• Living with Your Teen: Understanding Changes in Thinking
• Living with Your Teen: Understanding Emotional Changes
• Living with Your Teen: Understanding the Changing Parent-Teen Relationship
• Living with Your Teen: Talking with Teens
• The Effects Of Divorce On Children
• Why Do Some Children Bully Others?...Bullies and Their Victims

Links:

• CYFERNet
• FirstGov
• Join Together Online
• Monitoring the Future - A Continuing Study of American Youth
• NNCC Resources For Parents
• Parenting Resources for the 21st Century
• Partnership For Family Involvement in Education
• Smart Marriages
• US Department of Education
• US Dept. of Ed Parents Guide to the Internet